Possibly Profound
by CrazyNerd14
Summary: Fluffy one-shot about Spongebob pondering the meaning of life. Only rated T cause Gary has a potty mouth. Very pointless, but fun to write. R&R if you can! XD


Disclaimer: I, CrazyNerd14, hereby state and publish on the World Wide Web that I do not own Spongebob Squarepants, Bikini Bottom, or anything else that I reference in this fic. In fact, I don't own anything. Except maybe the clothes I'm wearing and my L plushy.

Author's Note: My brother always tells me that Spongebob is the meaning of life. He's like, "They really do address all of life's important issues!" So Colin, this fic is for you.

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Spongebob was having a very strange dream. In it, he was at some huge Ivy League University that he'd never heard of, somewhere far, far away from Bikini Bottom. Also, being Spongebob, he had no idea that he was dreaming.

"Hellooo? Gary?" Spongebob called down the empty marble halls. "Patrick? Squidward? …Anyone?" Suddenly, a fancy-looking fish with a white toupee stuck his head out into the hall.

"Excuse me. Could you keep it down? I'm trying to teach in here."

"Sorry mister swanky college professor sir!" Spongebob exclaimed. "I was trying to find my friends! You see, I don't know where I am. Have you seen my pineapple?"

The professor blinked several times, trying to process what the eccentric sponge was blabbing about. "Your…pineapple?"

"Yeah! You—ooh, look at all the books!" Spongebob, more ADD than my brother without Ritalin, had just spotted the inside of the classroom.

"Hey! Sponge! Don't touch anything in there--!"

"What's this?" Spongebob poked a large and old-looking globe, making it tumble over.

"Ah! That is a very rare 19th Century—"

"What about this pretty window thing? Is it—ow! The glass bit me!"

"NO! You just spilled broken glass all over my—"

"Hey, does this radio still work? It looks kind of rusty. Maybe if I pushed a few buttons—"

The fish finally snapped. He grabbed the peppy yellow mollusk by the tie and dragged him over to an empty desk. "Sit and stay!" he ordered. Spongebob cowered in his seat, looking up at him with wide blue eyes.

"Now as your punishment, you shall answer a question for me! A question that makes even my greatest students cry, a question that still bewilders even the most famous scholars!"

Spongebob was shaking by now, his skinny arms hugging his legs to his chest in fear. "Wh-what is it?" Spongebob cried.

"What is the meaning of life?"

Spongebob stopped shaking. "What?" he asked uncertainly.

"What is the meaning of life?" the fish professor repeated, staring down at Spongebob. Spongebob laughed.

"That's easy! The meaning of life is—"

And that was when Spongebob woke up.

"Whoa, Gary! I just had the strangest dream!" the porous square exclaimed. Gary, the loveable snail that lived with Spongebob, crawled over sleepily. "Is it the one where you pass your boating exam but then your driver's license turns into a Krabby Patty?" he meowed.

"No, silly! I only have that dream on Tuesdays! No, this one was even—OH NO!" Spongebob had caught sight of the clock. "I'm going to be late for WORK!" Spongebob jumped up and sprinted out the door, forgetting to put on his famous square pants as he left. Gary yawned and curled up on Spongebob's bed. "Dumbass," he meowed to himself.

"Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Mr. Krabs! This will never happen again, I swear! Oh Mr. Krabs, please don't be mad!" Spongebob was gasping and practically sobbing by the time he reached the Krusty Krab.

"Spongebob, what's the matter?" Mr. Krabs, the insanely cheap but good-hearted manager, asked.

"I'm one minute late to work, sir!" Spongebob wailed.

That was when Mr. Krabs noted that Spongebob had forgotten to wear pants again. Eugene sighed. Oh the woes of working in the fast food industry…

"Boy, it's Sunday. There _is _no work today." Mr. Krabs said gently.

Spongebob stopped crying. "Oh. Then what are you doing here?"

Mr. Krabs looked suddenly defensive. "That's between me and this nickel, boy." Spongebob looked confused. He was, after all, Spongebob.

"Hey Sponge! What's up?" Patrick called. The pink starfish strolled into the Krusty Krab with his usual stupid smile.

"Patrick!" Spongebob grinned and waved.

"So, what are you and Eugene talking about?" Patrick asked.

"That's Mr. Krabs to you!" Mr. Krabs snapped.

"We're talking about what he was doing with his nickel," Spongebob said.

"Spongebob! Shut up!"

"Eugene, do we need to have another talk about higain?"

"You mean hygiene, Patrick."

"Yeah, what Sponge said. Hi-gene."

"PATRICK. Shut your pie hole before I shut it for you!"

At that moment, perfectly enough, Sandy and Squidward walked in. "I'll show you, you suction-cupped varmint! Spongebob does not come to work…"

Sandy stopped, seeing the strange threesome standing in the middle of the restaurant.

"…on the weekends."

Squidward laughed, his huge nose shriveling up. "Fork over the dough, you patronizing squirrel! And next time, believe me when I tell you; I'm always right!"

"Hey Squid, that's not true!" Patrick protested as Sandy scowled and handed Squidward a twenty. "What about the time you told Spongebob he'd be helpful dead?"

"That's still true," he grumbled, rolling his eyes at the mentally challenged sea star.

"Hey everyone! Now that because of some strange and unlikely coincidence we're all here, I have a very important question for all of you!"

Everyone turned questioningly towards the sponge.

"What is the meaning of life?!"

Squidward snorted with laughter. "You'll learn when you're older."

"Money!" Mr. Krabs said without a second thought.

"Hm, I'd say science!" Sandy said.

"How about WORLD DOMINATION??!!" came a voice from the floor.

"Plankton!" Spongebob gasped. "How did you get in here?"

"None of your business, Sponge-brain! I'm just here for the formula. I mean, seriously, has there ever been another reason for me randomly showing up?"

Everyone thought about it. "No," they said in unison. Well, except Patrick, who was busy drooling.

"Hm." Spongebob was back to thinking about the meaning of life. "I guess I'd have to say Krabby Patties! Oh, but maybe jelly fishing! Or karate!" he turned to Patrick. "What do you think, Pat?"

Patrick blinked back into awareness. "About what?" he asked slowly.

"The meaning of life!"

"Well, Spongebob," he said seriously. "That's a very big question. I mean, everyone has a different meaning in life. Mr. Krabs' is money, Sandy's is science and probably karate, Plankton's is world domination, and knowing Squidward, his would probably be art or music. But these are just things about life that we love, not really meanings. I suppose the meaning of life is just to produce offspring and keep the species going. That's on a logical level. On an emotional level, it could be anything, I suppose."

Everyone gaped at Patrick in complete astonishment.

"Wow, Pat. That was amazingly profound!" Spongebob exclaimed, his eyes watering slightly with emotion.

"What?" Patrick asked in confusion.

"What you just said!"

"I didn't say anything."

Everyone sighed, partly disappointed and partly relieved. Looked like Patrick was back.

Suddenly, a meowing came from the front door. "Gary!" Spongebob cried, running over and giving the snail a hug. "What are you doing here, boy?"

"Those bastards egged the pineapple again. Just thought I'd come here and blame you for being such an annoyance to everyone in town, bitch." Gary meowed.

"Oh, I'm sorry Gare-bear! I'll clean it up as soon as I get home!"

Everyone stared at Spongebob. "He's talking to the snail again," Squidward muttered.

"That's a little creepy," Plankton admitted.

"Aw, I think it's cute. He thinks Gary's actually talking!" Sandy said.

"That boy is going to need some expensive therapy later in life," Mr. Krabs aid with a sigh. "Thank Neptune I'm not his guardian…"

Spongebob ignored everyone. "So what do you think, Gary?" he asked. "What's _your_ meaning of life?"

Gary purred. "Taking care of you. You may be an insane dumbass, but you're _my_ insane dumbass."

Spongebob laughed and hugged him again. Then he stood up, looking thoughtful. "Hm…I guess my meaning of life is getting to live with all of you in Bikini Bottom. After all, I have the best friends in the deep blue sea!" With that being said, Spongebob walked over and hugged his friends, Squidward hugging back only briefly and reluctantly.

"What are you doing?!" Plankton screamed from the middle of their circle. "Why are you hugging?! You're all going to step on me! Arrgh!!! I HATE YOU TALL PEOPLE!!!"

And so that is how this pointless and fluffy story shall end. After all, when it comes to Spongebob, there's always a happy ending.


End file.
